Why does my pet seem to only like my...?

Some pet owners complain about lopsided relationships, saying things like:

"My pet seems to like my husband more."

"My cat only lets my wife pet him."
"Our dog only takes orders from our youngest child."

An owner may erroneously assume that his pet doesn't like him or someone else in the household. In chapter 9 of my book "Your Pet's Peeves,"  I explain:  

...dogs are pack animals with developed sense of hierarchy. Like wolf packs, human families also have hierarchy. Often, the dog does not fit into the family structure. Sometimes, adult owners who accept a pet as a child think that they automatically hold the dominant position in relation to the pet. Pet owners often think this dominant position not only applies to them, but also to every other human in the house, including small children. While this is often true, occasionally a dog of a large breed that tends to have dominant qualities will not obey a weak-willed owner. Furthermore, that same dog will also refuse to be subordinate to a small child.


A dog may notice that one child in a family, for instance, may have great influence, so the dog may incline itself toward that person, the leader.  It could also be that the pet does not like a pet owner's tendencies and wants to stay away. There are many reasons for these kind of actions. You may need to contact a specialist tot learn more.

Is my cat missing the litter box on purpose?

 It depends on what do you call "purpose." Usually owners consider missing the litter box like a desire to take revenge something. Actually that is wrong. Our pets never do that! 

Revenge is an action planned in advance and performed after an event caused it, sometimes, much later. However, a lot of experiments show that animals (including apes) can't make long-term plans. Thus, missing the litter box is usually a sign of anxiety that an animal feels. Another question is why your pet feeling anxiety. There are a lot of reasons. To answer that question an owner needs to seek professional help from a pet expert.

Is My Pet Normal?

Throughout my career, I have had many people believe their cat or dog is plagued with something that only exists in the mind of the owner. As such, what's normal behavior often comes into question.

My answer: this depends on what you call normal or abnormal behavior. We do not know the total percentage of groups with interaction disorders since many people are unaware of their dysfunctions. Indeed, pet owners subjectively perceive the pet-deviant behavior phenomenon. We interviewed 44 cat owners and 44 dog owners in order to spot deviant behavior in their pets. We asked, “Do you think your cat/dog has any behavioral issues?”

Owners of 20 cats and 14 dogs pointed out certain deviations in their pets’ behavior. Cat owners, in most cases, mentioned aggression, motor stereotypes, and relieving themselves at home. Dog owners also mentioned aggression, motor stereotypes, and anxiety. Owners of six cats mentioned fear of strangers. When all the cat owners were once again asked if their pets were afraid of strangers, another five cats joined the group, simply because their owners did not initially see their fear as deviant.

Similarly, two dog owners mentioned their pets’ hyperactivity and hypervocalization. When all the dog owners were asked if they had noticed hyperactivity and unmotivated barking, another three dogs with similar behaviors were identified.

There is a tendency for people to only notice a “problem” only after other people discuss their issues. This is somewhat like “groupthink” in which everyone in a group strives to conform. How does this affect pets? Well, people may believe that their pet is abnormal and seek unnecessary treatment.

Allowing Your Pet to Sleep With You

Most people allow their dogs to sleep in their beds every now and then. Sometimes its for the animal’s comfort and sometimes it’s for the owner’s. Either way, if you always want your pet to sleep with you, it's okay. However, if you suppose that sometimes someone else will occupy a place in your bed, you shouldn't allow the pet to sleep with you. The main advice here is be consistent and coherent! Your pet sleeps with you either always or never. Otherwise, your behavior will be confusing from the pet's point of view.

Having Sex in Front of Your Pet

The cat just keeps staring as its pet parent enjoys unbridled sex. The animal neither reacts nor moves even as the couple exchanges favors or changes positions. Suddenly, it springs on the bed and begins sniffing…

Ever wonder what an animal is thinking when you have sex in its presence? Does the animal care or, better yet, should you? Do pets even know what you’re doing?

To begin with the last question first, yes, of course they know what you’re doing. Like humans, they emit pheromones, which trigger sexual attraction. Thus, the scent of sex is familiar while not exactly the same. If an animal is spayed or neutered, human sex can't affect it. However, if an animal is unsterilized, then having sex can affect it due to the specific smell of fluids secreted during sex (sperm, lubrication, etc). Overall, try not to traumatize your pet by having sex in front of it. Because we’ll never know exactly what they’re thinking, it’s best not to do anything that could trigger unwanted behavior in your cat or dog, such as excessive curiosity.

The Best Pets to Adopt

You may know that a fox terrier is an active, joyful, brave dog. If you love your lawn, though, a fox terrier is not the animal that would best complement you. So what is the criteria for which pet is best to adopt: Age? Breed? Gender? Life History (if known)?

Let's take age. The younger the better is generally the rule. Still, how can you know that this animal doesn't have inborn diseases or a temper problem? Sometimes an older animal in a shelter is so grateful and loyal that it turned out to be the only right choice you could have done.

After reading The Complete Dog Book, the bible of dog breeds published by the American Kennel Club, we learn that choosing according to breed doesn't guarantee all the traits which you may have expected. Sometimes a mongrel can bring more joy into your life than a dog with a multi-page pedigree.

Ultimately, there is no best option in my opinion. Just ask yourself, when you go to a shelter, these initial questions: Why do I need a pet? Why this pet? Why do I want to get it here? What if I regret my noble impulse?

One thing I like to remind pet lovers is to never betray or overlook animals who know you and love you (i.e. pets of your loved ones who passed away or a divorced couple) if they need a new owner. The only other thing I would advise is to avoid falling under the power of advertising. Just because someone says their animal selection is “one-of-a-kind,” “healthier,” “special” or “unlike anyone else’s” doesn’t mean you’re guaranteed a pet that will not have grave issues. In general, use your instincts and identify any natural connection you may have with a particular animal. Of course, ask questions and know something about the type of animal you want beforehand. Otherwise, you could be in for an unwanted surprise.


Photo credit: Brooklyn Bridge Animal Welfare Coalition/Facebook

Does Pheromone Therapy Help?

Pheromone therapy is becoming a popular means to control behavioral problems in animals, such as anxiety, fear and aggression. Pet supply stores now carry pheromone diffusers and spray products. Does this work, for the most part, to curb behavior or just certain behaviors more than others?

Based on studies, we cannot conclusively state that pheromone therapy doesn’t work. I can, however, say that it does work effectively in some instances.

Pheromones are chemicals that animals emit that affect the behavior of other members of the same species. They affect an animal’s social behavior, including food gathering, sexual attraction and signaling danger. In nature, pheromones clearly have an impact on dogs’ and cats’ behavior, so the logic is that synthetic pheromone products (i.e. sprays) might be useful in managing behavior problems for pet owners.

These products may help avoid anxiety in pets, but the owner should be calm himself. For example, if an owner is afraid of thunderstorms, the pet will be afraid also, despite the pheromone therapy. First of all, a master MUST be self-confident enough to demonstrate to the animal that he is able to defend it. This is especially important in an animal’s first year of life. Unfortunately, sometimes, the early experience of an animal may be so traumatic that pheromone therapy doesn't work.

Overall, pheromone therapy can be used to prevent or reduce stress-related problems, but the owner must also consider behavior modification techniques and even medications if necessary.

Pets Without Parents

I'm often asked, "Do pets without parents make the best pets?"

People are obviously referring to orphaned pets or those raised by a commercial breeder, or puppy mill. My answer is routinely, “Of course, not!”

 Any animal should have the experience of interaction with representatives of its species. In fact, there are some behaviors that may be taught or learned only with the parents' help. Like Mowglis, in the Jungle Book, he will never become human in the full sense of this word, so your pet will not be a full representative of its species if humans replace its parents.

Similarly, the Humane Society recommends that you “never buy puppies without seeing where they and their parents are raised and housed with your own eyes.”

Unleashed Pets vs. Leashed Pets

Do you trust your dog to such a degree to let it go unleashed, realizing that anything is possible, especially when other people and animals are around? If your answer is yes, then that's awesome! An unleashed dog has much more opportunities to learn its environment.

Animals that are allowed to express spontaneous activity will demonstrate more intensive exploratory behavior and will have better knowledge of their environment. During this process, they will experience new feelings of enjoyment and display behavior that corresponds with feeling safe. These new feelings and skills will strengthen the animal’s confidence and trust in the world. Furthermore, an animal that has the ability to make choices and consequently, have a more mature psyche compared to other animals that do not have such liberty. It will also display a more mature attachment to its owner. Without such liberty, the animal will otherwise make its choice in accordance with the owner’s wishes. This choice will be a choice for security, but it will inhibit the animal’s mental maturity.

Generally, humans are not interested in their pets’ independence. For that reason, pets always remain dependent on the humans, seeking protection and favors, while their spontaneity and ability to make independent decisions are suppressed. It is clear that the recognition of the pets’ independence is fraught with undesirable consequences for their owners. However, highly evolved group animals understand group norms and rules, and an animal that has learned the rules will not violate them.

It is important that the rules, set by pet owners, agree with the species-specific capabilities and needs of the animals. Pet care that does not give the animal the opportunity to mature does not allow the animal to develop a mature, reciprocal attachment to humans. To achieve this mature, reciprocal relationship, the person should make the animal’s habitat as rich as possible. The animal must learn as much as it can and have the ability to cope with situations it faces on its own.

People's mature love for an animal promotes the animal’s development. We say a lot about the necessity of development, which is more easily achieved if a dog is unleashed. If, however, you live in a megalopolis, your mild-tempered unleashed Wolfhound might frighten someone. So my advice: try to find places where your dog can be unleashed without threat to others, such as a dog park. Recently, I visited Piedmont Dog Park in Atlanta, GA, and both observed and talked to pet owners. I could immediately tell which dogs had been acclimated to independence and which sought their owners' approval.  Look for a forthcoming video on this visit.

Trust is Just as Important in Pet Relationships

Without trust, fear dominates a relationship. Fear affects all of our relationships, including those with our pets. In my new book, Your Pet's Peeves, I mention four main fears that affect human-animal interactions. In some cases, our pets can respond somewhat like our human loved ones when we project our insecurities on them. This may result in what some pet owners describe as "misbehavior," including forms of rebellion, noncompliance, and aggression. Overall, mutual lack of trust and attachment, poor communication, and inability to set rules of behavior will cause problems in interactions and mutual dissatisfaction.

Identifying the source of a fear is a good start to tackling it. Usually some stressful or traumatic life experience has caused us to distrust ourselves, our environment and/or others. Before you continue to allow the past to affect your pet and others, speak with a therapist. I will be in Atlanta, Georgia, on Saturday, June 14th at 11:30 a.m. at the Microsoft Store in Lenox Mall to take your questions and discuss parts of my new book that could help you create new habits that counteract fears affecting your pet.

New Pets at Home Cause Welcome and Unwelcome Changes

My job, as an animal psychologist, is to help disillusioned, disappointed or even disgusted pet owners. Thus, I want to prepare those thinking about getting a pet.

First of all, ask yourself these questions: Why do I need a pet? Why did I choose this particular pet? Maybe I want it because I watched a movie where this kind of animal impressed me so much that I wanted to own it. Maybe I saw someone with the same species or breed and was so impressed that I wanted the same animal. Maybe it’s that I can't forget a pet from my childhood and want to relive that experience. Maybe I suffer from loneliness and want to address the problem by getting a pet.

Whatever the reason, be totally honest with yourself because making a decision to get a pet imposes serious responsibilities for years and can alter your lifestyle. Are you really ready? Are you sure that your momentary whim will not spoil your quiet, albeit a bit boring (as you may think) life? These questions are important because people’s unrealistic or uniformed expectations can lead to major disappointments and unhappiness.

Okay, so you are ready. (Keep in mind, although you may be ready, everyone in your household may not be. This lack of total readiness almost always poses an issue, which affects the pet.) You know why you want to get a pet and what you want to get.

Leaving aside the harmless lizards and goldfish, although they also need a care, let's take a cat or a dog. When you get this pet of your dreams, you will face different challenges, such as torn clothes; scratched furniture; damaged books and important documents; broken vases; unearthed lawns; pools and heaps on the floor; and simply getting used to the nature of the animal. Not matter how familiar, this new pet will likely be different from the pet of your childhood or from your favorite movie, so keep your expectations in the realm of reality. In addition to preparing your heart, mind and home, you’ll also need to prepare your wallet. Pet care and maintenance can be expensive.

Most pet owners realize and accept all of this and relish their animals as a member of the family. In fact, your relationship with your pet might be one of the most pleasant experiences, one that transforms both you and the animal.

Do Pets Know When You’re Sick or Upset?

Yes, pets do know when you’re sick or upset. Given their keen sense of smell, dogs can detect even the most subtle scent changes in our bodies when we are sick because the  biochemistry of our bodies change  when we're sick. Still, this doesn't mean that they perceive your condition exactly in the same way as you perceive it. Unfortunately, we can't interview them to understand what they think about our sickness or bad mood, but sometimes their behavior changes, especially if it is an adult animal who is very attached to you. If you are sick, cats try to lay near you or even on sore spot, and dogs don't pull their leash during the walk. 

Emotional

Pets are not just sensitive to biological changes, they can be sensitive to emotional changes too. If you are upset, a pet may come to you and just to be near you or leave you alone and stay at their place. One of the greatest emotions animals can detect is fear – in their owners and strangers.

Pets Gone Wild: What makes pets really crazy?

The following circumstances make pets really crazy:

• Owner's ill-mannered kids
• Weird owner (in pet's perception)
• Annoying boy or girlfriend of the owner
• Negative experience in early age
• Mental diseases
• Somatic diseases that cause pain

Example of how ill-mannered or spoiled kids can impact pet behavior:

"Who's the Boss?"

A mother purchased a dog in order to teach their children to be responsible and more obedient. She came to me with complaints about the dog, that it exhibited destructive behavior at home, when the owners were not there.  Likewise, the dog also exhibited uncontrollable behavior when in social situations, fighting with other dogs. The family consisted of a mother and three children; a girl the age of 14, and two boys ages 11 and 3 years old.  The dog, a female Mastiff, was bought when it was 2 months old.  

Observation of the dog at home led to a paradoxical conclusion.  The youngest child was the center, if not the leader, in this family.  Each of his whims were immediately attended to, and the mother and the older children swirled around him.  Perhaps the dog also perceived that the child occupied a leading position in the family, and imitated the child’s behavior.   The dog became as intrusive and demanding as the youngest child, and as a result, always got what she wanted in the form of affection, entertainment, games, and attention. 

To correct the wild behavior, we started to condition the animal to avoid the annoying behavior. The dog was not to be given what she wanted as a reward for begging or demanding (barking, scratching, jumping on the owners etc.). In such cases, she was to be ignored. 
The next step was to train the dog basic commands like "Sit," "Lie down," "Stand," "Come here," and "Heel."  It was important to ensure that the pet obeyed both older children equally well. This was implemented by encouraging or ignoring the dog. Another problem was to explain to the children the basics of role relations within the family, as it could cause conflicts between them about leadership.  Therefore, I proposed the model of a parent-child relationship.  The brother and sister had to introduce themselves in the role of parents to the dog, and behave accordingly as an adult animal would behave in relation to a puppy.  The children received these roles with enthusiasm, unlike the dog, which had gotten used to considering them as playmates.  The pet was not able to accept the fact that the relationship had changed.

In about four months, general obedience by the dog when executing the commands was achieved. The dog's behavior, particularly the aggression issues, readily became an acute problem.

This is only an excerpt from a full story. You’ll have to get my new book, "Your Pet’s Peeves: What Your Pet’s Issues Say About You" (ISBN: 978-1-941716-00-7) to read this full story and any others.

 

Are Pets Really People?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Many pet owners treat "Fido" or "Mittens" like a member of the family, but are pets really people?

NO! They are animals. They can think, make decisions and feel emotions, but their concept of the environment is not the same as ours due to a differently developed system of perception. An animal's different viewpoint of the world leads to a different understanding, thus different needs and intentions. Distinct needs and intentions lead to unique emotions, and so forth.  

Some pet owners try to “humanize” their pets by assigning them human motivations and then expect “human” behavior from their pets. In fact, much of the frustration I witness when working as a pet psychologist is that owners expect their pets to act and respond much like humans. What I've discovered is that the pet is exhibiting normal behavior for its species, but since the behavior does not match the owner's expectations, the animal is labeled as “abnormal.”

Even though we are human and our pets are animals, we can still grow to understand them, and them us. Both owner and animal can learn to love, trust and respect the demands of the other. Still, we are different! Despite these differences, we can make amazing discoveries in the process of learning our pet loved ones.

If you enjoyed this post or have something to add, please consider leaving a comment. Be sure to connect with me via social below.

What Motivates Us to Get a Pet?

What motivates us to get a pet? In general, people normally buy an animal so that they can have a companion, a friend, or a partner, but one that does not come with the responsibility of a child or the lifelessness of a toy. People who live in cities often buy pets as an attempt to unify with nature. In the past, animals were purchased for their working qualities – some of them were good hunters, shepherds, guards, etc., and these qualities were actively used, which helped to build trust and partnership between an owner and a pet. Now, despite the variety in breeds, the working qualities in animals do not carry the same weight that they once did. For the most part, people tend to buy animals to fill a void. In my experience, quite often the owners simply want a companion, which is a perfectly valid reason to purchase a pet. However, problems arise when there is an incorrect perception of the animal and its breed characteristics or an ignorance and misunderstanding of the causes of a pet’s behavior.